Complexity
by Mizu Youkai
Summary: Kagome always loved Inuyasha. When Fate plays a cruel trick, leaving her lost and alone, who else will fall prey to Fate's whims? Will Chance intervene?


A/n: I know, with all the stalling I'm doing on my other fics, I really shouldn't start a third. Unfortunately, this ideas been bothering me for days. Needed to get it out. For good news though, Look At Me's chapter 8 is 75 finished, and That Special Someone chapter 7 is about 60 finished. I've started high school, and with the advanced classes, I can't get 'A's simply by talking to the teachers. Life was so much easier when teachers knew all about you... This time, I'm going to play around a bit with Kagome's POV, and Kouga's and so on. Just to give my style a change. Oh well, onto one of my all time favorite Inuyasha pairings, KougaxKagome!! Enjoy!

Pushing through the woods, I bit back a sob. My arrows were gone, and the bow given to me by Kaede was slung over my shoulder. How did I get here? Were was everyone? We had just stopped for a rest, when a brute of a demon found us, lured by the shards as usual. Only this one didn't need the shards to be strong. It already was.

I can remember Inuyasha's smirk, so confident in victory over the large bear. Kirara transformed, moving from her perch on Sango's shoulder to an area beside her mistress, waiting patiently to be needed in battle, also confident. The others weren't cocky like Inuyasha though, they simply knew their strength, and were comfortable with it. Even Shippou, with his illusions, traps, and tricks was laughing. But the kit always laughed, he would be a great fighter when he grew.

I stood behind Inuyasha, who shoved me beside Sango. She at least welcomed me, knowing that I meant well. It's not my fault I was raised on a peaceful time where the most violent thing I had done was fighting lessons against normal, human, city kids! Those were regulated though, so I suppose they didn't count. Too bad.

Suddenly, the ground rose up to meet me. Falling with a heavy thud, I whimpered a bit. My foot was caught in a root, just great. This was as good a spot as any, I might as well sit and reflect. I'm alone anyways. Sitting back against a tree, I sighed, trying to catch my breath. I was lost, in Fuedal Japan. With Shikon Shards, probably going to attract any demon smart enough to sense them. Great, just great.

The battle started out fine enough, the memory still vivid in my mind. Just when Inuyasha prepared to use the Bakryuha ((Gah, I forget how to spell that... going to find out soon though...)) to finish it off, the demon really let loose. Swiping a huge paw, it managed to knock Miroku unconscious, and Sango's Hiraikostu off it's course in midair. I shuddered at the time, awed by the raw, animalistic strength.

Sango started to get worried, not so confident anymore. Not that she'd show it, of course. Wouldn't be good for a demon slayer to worry about being able to defeat a demon, now would it. The bear roared, a display of it's power, I suppose. Closing my eyes, I can still see it as it's teeth ripped into Inuyasha's shoulder.

The blood, there was so much! Everywhere, blending into his haori, giving a richer, fuller, _realer_ shade. I shook my head, trying in vain to dispel the image. In his hair too! His beautiful hair, the long, thick, silky stuff so much more lustrous

than my own. Dying it a crimson that is seared into my mind.

"Why? _WHY??_" I cried, moaning out my misery.

Yet he fought on, simply letting his useless left arm fall, weilding the mighty Tetsusaiga with only his right to bear the strain. The heavy, double-handed sword couldn't be easy to swing about, but somehow he managed it. My eyes searched his face, looking for a sign of trouble, of weariness. None was to be found.

Sango had retrieved her weapon by this time, and flung it with all the strength she could muster in her body. Sitting behind her, I didn't see the rips and tears her suit had suffered while she had covertly darted around below Kirara and I, trying to get to her precious boomerang.

Hearing a cry, my eyes ripped from the demon, whose eyes were glowing a malicious red, to Inuyasha. He stood hunched, hair splayed over his face, obscuring it from sight. I saw his back muscles tighten and spasm, sweat beginning bead. My eyes widened, where was Tetsusaiga, his faithful companion through almost every fight? I located it a couple yards from him, lying in it's useless, rusted state.

A low, rumbling growl was what I heard next. Fearfully, I brought my gaze back to the battle-worn hanyou. He straightened slowly, and my worst thoughts were confirmed. His face bore several purple gashes, markings of his changed state. His teeth were shown as his lips spread in a feral grin. The small, sometimes adorable fangs that so fit him were changed to these huge, powerful fangs, too big to fit inside with his mouth closed. And his eyes! The majestic, soul-piercing, emotional eyes that I loved were gone, lost to the crimson orbs filled with nothing but hate, rage, and bloodlust. They matched the demon's own! How could he fall to such depths?

The fight was over. As soon as Tetsusaiga had flown from it's owner's grasp, as soon as it's protective spell binding it's user was broken, Inuyasha had lost. The bear's claws ripped a slash lasting from Inuyasha's chest, down to his side, covering almost all of his torso, and turning a bit, almost wrapping around him. By the blood flow, it was serious. He wouldn't give up though, not until his last breath had been used to defeat the menace. He flew at his opponent, first gouging out his eyes, leaving it screaming and floundering about the field. He deftly dodged the flailing limbs, going straight for the heart.

Unable to bear the sight, I turned my gaze. The sounds though, still haunt me, even in this silent forest, still torture me in this peaceful haven. His claws ripping into it's hide, the wet, sucking sound as he ripped out the beating organ. Then the slurping, chewing, and swallowing! Echoing in the stifling silence, I could picture him eating it mindlessly, animalistically mauling the beast. Finally, I suppose the blood lost made him quit, or was it the bear's last assualt before it suffered it's final humility? In any case, with a huge effort, the demon raised a paw, and with amazing strength, hit the hanyou turned youkai sqaure in the temple.

A thud was heard, and Inuyasha had fallen across the now quite dead bear. I was shaking by now, unable to grasp the reality of the situation. His breathing was so weak and ragged his chest was barely moving. I was certain he was about to leave this world as I knew it. I can't remember Kirara landing, but she must have, because the next moment I was rushing to him. Tears blinded my vision and I stumbled, falling to my knees before him. He had reverted back, and his golden eyes looked up at me, the pain evident.

"Inuyasha!" I screamed, desperate, "Inuyasha, don't! Don't you dare leave me!!" My voice cracked, evidence of my grief. I could barely see Sango respectfully turning her head, making a show of tending to a now stirring Miroku. Now he's awake?! Now that Inuyasha's lying almost dead, the youkai slaughtered?! I was angry, angry at myself, angry at the others, and angry at Inuyasha for not being strong enough to master his own primal side.

"Please Inuyasha!! Please!" I cried, cradling his mutilated upper body in my arms. "Inuyasha, please, you can't leave me. I need you..." I insisted. His eyes winced, and his voice came out weak, and with a horrible, wet sound every breath he took.

"I-I'm sorry Kagome." he managed, and my eyes filled with more tears. I impatiently wiped them away, wanting to keep him in my sight for as long as possible. "Inuyasha, I love you! You can't leave me now...now that you know! I love you, do you hear me?" I said, my voice wracked with sobs.

A tender smile graced his features, his pale, handsome face. The face I loved, the one that had argued with me, mocked me, comforted me, and cheered me. Now it was filled with such a loving gaze that I had to smile in return. "K-Kagome, I l-love you too...please, just don't let go." he answered. Finally revealing his feelings when he was on death's doorstep and too far gone to do anything about it. We could have shared so much! Had memories to remember, golden memories, kissed by the common love between us.

"I won't. I'll never leave you, I promise." I swore, my tears falling freely, dripping onto his blood-drenched top, wetting it even further.

I can't exactly say how long it was until his eyes closed, and I couldn't pick out his breathing anymore. He was still warm to the touch, and I refused to believe the inevitable. Refused to accept it.

"Kagome-chan. He's gone, we have to go now." Sango's voice gently spoke from behind. I glanced over my shoulder, and saw Miroku, Shippou and her standing there. All looked forlorn and solemn. All seemed close to sobs.

"No, no. He isn't gone! He can't be! H-He's too stubborn for that, t-to just give up like that." I denied, lightly shaking his body in a vain attempt to raise him from slumber.

"Kagome!" Sango said, trying to pry me off his prone form. I screamed, a raw, emotion-filled scream. It chilled my companions to the core, that much I could see. Sango wrenched me away from him, and I let the sobs flow forth. She supported me as I went limp, so strong was my grief.

"Inuyasha, show them! Show them that your awake, and that it's all a big joke! Please, please, wake up!" I cried. Sango turned her head.

"Kagome! Kagome, he's gone! He's never going to come back! I'm sorry, we'll all miss him, but we will never see him alive again!" Miroku's voice, harsh and penetrating, shook me deeply. I began getting hysterical, trying to rip away from the soothing arms of my friends, attempting to reach the fallen warrior. Sango slapped me then, hard across the cheek. I froze, stunned. The sound seemed to reverberate in the air, a shock in itself.

Sinking to my knees, the apologies issued forth. Yet I never took my eyes off him. It hit me then. He was gone, and he had just told me that he loved me. Not Kikyo, but me, Kagome. I rose slowly, shakily. My friends went silent, watching what I'd do next. Backing up, I began hyperventilating.

Turning, I ran. Blindly into the forest, not caring what hit me. Ignoring the cries of the others, I fled. It was too much, I had to leave. I don't even know where I was headed, only that thoughts of Inuyasha ran through my mind. Of his voice, his smell, his hair. His laugh, his arguing, the possessiveness he had, the rivals, and his eyes. They haunted me. His face, gazing at me one last time. His last words were for me and me alone. His last smile for me, his eyes, holding that loving look only for me.

That's what brought me to where I was now. Why no one had found me yet. How could they have found me if I can't even find myself? I shivered, and realized that his blood still coated my clothes, staining my innocent white school top. The green of my skirt also crimson. Both were wet, as were my hands. My face had streaks of it, from where I had rubbed away my tears.

Dimly, I realized I couldn't wander about with such an appearance. People would be terrified. I wandered though the forest, hoping to find a stream or something to wash off in. Fate, after such cruel plays on my mind and heart today, seemed to be kind now. I soon found a hotspring, staring blankly at it for a while.

Sinking in, clothes and all I started to work. Scrubbing at my uniform with some sand I scooped up from the bottom, I managed to rid it of all traces of Inuyasha. Remembering Kaede showing me a plant the often grew around water, I remembered how it could be used as soap. There was a bunch of it to my right, and I grabbed it, ridding myself of the constricting, soaking clothes.

I sat there for such a long time. I had scrubbed my hands, arms, and face raw. My skin still smarted from the brutal attack. Running my hands through my hair, I realized how filthy it was, getting twigs, leaves, bits of bark and such in it. I cleaned that out then, my scalp tingling from my relentless washing. My clothes were in a patch of sunlight, drying on the rocks a bit away from me. Twisting all the droplets of water from my hair, I climbed out, and got dressed. I didn't care that they were still kind of damp. All that was running through my mind now was that I had gotten rid of all traces of Inuyasha. Now I was left with only my thoughts and memories of him, nothing to hold tight when I was about to give up. Nothing to show to my family, nothing to hold a treasured place beside me, honoring his pledge to always protect me.

What had happened to that promise? He threw it away for a fight, a fight he had to have realized that he couldn't win, as soon as Tetsusaiga fell from his grasp. I stifled another cry, pounding my fist into a nearby tree. Pushing myself away, I noticed how the brush seemed to thin. Proceeding further, I broke free from the confines of the woods, finding myself on a small rise overlooking a village. I hesitated, staying on the border between wilderness and civilization. This was were my last memories of Inuyasha were most vivid. His downfall, his feelings, and his body, held in my disbelieving arms.

That village symbolized a new start, a clean slate for me. I could turn my back on everything, give up my family, my friends, and live with simply with my memories. I could be a priestess here, Kaede always said I was strong, I just needed training. Training we had never stayed long enough to pursue. Yes, I had picked up a few tricks, but to learn from Kaede, I could be as good a priestess as any.

Taking a breath, I decided. I should try to control my own life again. I would seek out the others when I felt ready, but first, I want to learn to take care of myself. I don't want anyone else dead over my own incompetence. I stepped forward, glancing over my shoulder. "Goodbye, Inuyasha. I'll treasure you forever." I whispered. I had come to terms with his death. I was the one holding him when he had passed, I should know better than anyone. I'll always love him, but I know now that he'll never come to me again.

Children stopped, staring at my strange clothing as I walked to the village temple. I suppose I must look a sight. Hair fluffy from the wind tousling it, clothes a bit damp, and a somber expression in my eyes. Not to mention how scantily I'm clad, compared to the standards they're used to. I paused a moment, then climbed up the steps leading to the shrine. Being raised taking care of one, this was nothing. As I reached the top, I surveyed the veiw below me. The village seemed to be prosperous, bustling with activity. The fields used for farms stretched out, opposite of the forest I was lost in so recently. Girls sweeping the grounds stopped and stared as I made my way past them to the main building. The girls cleaning the place weren't in miko garb, so I'm assuming they aren't in training. Good, hopefully, that will help to persuade the head miko to take me in.

That must be her, I thought, as I saw a woman step out of the doors. She wasn't wearing red and white, thankfully. She was robed in blue and white, I don't think I could stomach seeing red at the moment. She turned, and my breath caught in my throat. I was used to seeing Kaede, bent with age, shrivelled, and handicapped from her eye. This woman was in perfect health, and radiant. Her long tresses were caught up in a high ponytail, remiscent of Sango's. Her face was pale, and kind, and her eyes were a warm brown. She seemed to be in her late twenties, and I tentatively approached the woman.

"E-Excuse me, ma'am." I said, making a respectful bow as she was walking past me. Her eyes roved over me, taking in my clothing, and my appearance. I know I didn't look promising. She smiled, however, and spoke in a quiet tone. "Yes? What is it that you need?"

Chewing on my lip, I bowed again, remaining bent. I hoped to convey as much respect as possible. "I would like to train to be a miko. Kaede-sama never got the chance to help me and-" I was cut off as the woman interrupted, her voice sounding surprised.

"Kaede-sama? Why, she was the one who taught me. A highly skilled woman, sister of a powerful priestess cut down in her prime." her answer stopped, as she gently took hold of my shoulder, raising me so I could look her clearly in the eye. "Yes, yes, I see why she would want to train you. You are a wealth of strength, merely waiting for one to discipline you and help you control it."

I dared not speak, the opportunity was so great. This woman, she might actually take me in! I hurridly focused on her words, not wanting to miss a beat. "I would be more than happy to help you. My name is Shika. What are you called, young one?" Shika asked, leading me back into the building she had just vacated.

"I'm Kagome, and I'm so glad you decided to help me. I was worried I would be turned away, and I really don't know where I am..." I said, relieved to have that part of it settled. Shika gave me an appraising look, then walked to the other side of the room. She stooped in front of some baskets, digging through them. I took this time to get a glance at my new surroundings.

The room was huge, with a high ceiling. At the far end was an altar, containing a scroll, and a holy relic of some sorts. It seemed to be an arrow, but at this distance I couldn't be sure. The altar was on a raised platform, with a huge painting, depicting a woman holding a bow and arrow, facing down what seemed to be a solid line of attackers. All youkai of course. The area in front of it was big enough for several people to pay homage to it, with comfort room to spare. Staffs lined one wall, along with various other weapons. This looked to be a training hall, where others learned to fight.

"...These should do it, try those on, Kagome." Shika said, handing me a folded stack of clothing. Pointing to a changing screen in the corner behind me, she waited for the end result to be show. Behind the silk barrier, I stripped away the reminders of home, tossing them over the top of the screen. I quickly slipped into the new garb, pulling them on expertly. The new clothing fit perfectly, and I stepped out of the confines of the corner. This was it, now I'm really on my own.

"I knew it would fit. We don't have many trainees, as I'm sure you saw. Actually, you're the only one at the moment. I'm about to do a run in the village, there are ill and wounded that need tending. Do you know anything about herbs and plants?" Shika asked, smiling cheerfully at me. Nodding, I elaborated on my knowledge, "Kaede managed to teach me quite a bit in that area. Memorizing them and their properties was fairly easy compared to travelling around, fighting demons with the others." I confessed. For some reason, I was holding back about the Shikon shards, and used what little I knew to mask their power. I didn't think my friendship with Shippou and Inuyasha would be approved of in this case, but I was desperate for this chance.

"That's good. You can come with me then, here's the basket we'll be using." Shika said, handing me one of the baskets grouped in the corner where she had found my clothes. I grabbed it, balancing it on my hip like I used to with my school books. Shika took the time that we spent walking through the village to explain to me about the woman in the painting, and the arrow on the altar.

Long ago, when the village was new, the priestess resided in the newly built temple. She was strong, powerful, and kind. Everything a worthy priestess strove to be. One day, a horde of demons attacked the village, pillaging its fields and taking the women. Youko, the priestess, managed to protect part of the village, until the attack was over. In the aftermath, she realized that they could not be caught unprepared again. The next day, she fashioned her own bow, a sturdy, strong thing. She spent so much time on the bow, strengthening it with her own spiritual energy, that she couldn't do anything more. The day after that, she had time to make only one arrow, an agile, sharp, and cunning piece. She saturated it in her energy, filling it with her life force and power. Youko poured everything into that arrow, since the demons came as soon as she had finished making it. With that arrow, she stood in front of the horde of demons, and with a short prayer to the gods above, she let it fly. Her sould travelled out with that arrow. It cut down every demon, seeking out its evil energy and flying straight through it's heart. The people rejoiced, celebrating their priestess's triumph over the scourge. Shortly after the battle, brave Youko died, spent from the single arrow she had fired. The elder kept the arrow, and thereafter, every priestess that overlooked the village cared for it. It was their proof that anything was possible, and that good will triumph. Thus the relic, and the painting.

I was silent long after the story was over. As Shika and I journeyed back to the shrine, I finally gave voice to my musings. "So others didn't think the price was too high, and resented Youko for leaving them like that, leaving them without protection?" I asked quietly, not wanting to arouse Shika's annoyance. Shika thought a moment before replying, "No, they understood that the price was high for their safety, and they were grateful for Youko's sacrifice. It showed her absolute love for her brethren, and they realized that."

I nodded, and realization of Inuyasha's departure hit me. He loved me enough to give up his own life for me, the highest price he could possibly pay for me. He knew that I would make it, and wanted me to have a long and happy life. That was Inuyasha's blunt way, and I blinked tears away, smiling at this. "Thank you, Inuyasha, thank you." I whispered quietly.

"Did you say something?" Shika asked, looking over at me. I smiled at her, "No, nothing at all." Even though it wasn't nothing, it was over now.

That night, as I laid in the room Shika had given me, on the pallet provided, I was deep in my musings. The story of Youko hit me hard, and it completely changed my viewing of Inuyasha's death. I felt like what the villagers must have felt, but now, now I understood. I owed my life to Inuyasha, and I was going to live it in a way that would make him proud.

A/n: So, that's the first chapter. I know there was no Kouga, but I needed to set up the background. Kagome's loss has changed her in so many ways. Speaking in the first person with her really made her character take on a whole new meaning for me. I'm really happy with this story, I've basically wrote this in one sitting. The words are just pouring out, and it's really helping me with the writer's block I've been having in my other fanfics. Know that I will never abandon any of my works posted on , even if it takes me a while to finish them. Please review, I'm so estatic with this chapter, I think this is the first piece I've been completely satisfied with. Thank you for reading, and please review!


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